


The Life and Death of Miki Sayaka

by Steelneko



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2012-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-02 20:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steelneko/pseuds/Steelneko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a whole new universe, but some mistakes keep getting made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Life and Death of Miki Sayaka

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skybluecassowary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skybluecassowary/gifts).



_The little mermaid kissed his hand and felt that her heart was beginning to break. For the morning after his wedding day would see her dead and turned to watery foam._

***

I.

 

The day the new transfer student arrives seems like any other. The final bell rings, signalling the end of the school day, and Sayaka is once again standing next to Hitomi's desk, her arms crossed.

"I'm sorry, Sayaka. I really am," says Hitomi.

"But it's the awesomest new karaoke place, and it's right by the station," Sayaka says. "We could pop in for, like, half an hour, and you could still make it to your tea ceremony class."

Hitomi bites her lip. "I don't think so. The teacher is quite strict about being on time, and I don't want to make her cross."

Sayaka rolls her eyes. "But you're in so many classes, you're always busy. Tea ceremony, flower arranging, traditional dance, piano..."

"I can't help it if my parents want me to be refined," Hitomi says.

"Don't be surprised if I end up with a second best friend one of these days, who _is_ free to go to karaoke after school," Sayaka says teasingly.

"Well, it's always nice to make more friends," Hitomi answers in the same tone.

Most of the other students have already left the class. The new transfer student finishes packing up her things and comes over to stand by the empty desk next to Hitomi. She puts a hand on it, and stares down at the plain wooden surface. The hint of a sad smile crosses her face. She stays like that on the far side of Hitomi's desk for half a minute or so before moving on, and out of the room.

The two of them watch her go. "She seems kind of odd, don't you think?" says Hitomi. "I can't tell if she's prickly or just naturally quiet."

"Maybe it's nerves," Sayaka says. "Although it’s kind of impressive how freakishly good she seems to be at everything. I don’t know where she was before, but it can't be easy to transfer to a new school where you don't know anyone after the school year's already started.”

Hitomi purses her lips and makes a noncommittal noise. "Maybe."

Sayaka puts a hand on Hitomi's shoulder. "Hey, how 'bout this. I walk you to the station, point out the new karaoke place, we grab a couple of drinks at the café in the station mall, and you text me later to lemme know when you _do_ have time to hang out."

Hitomi smiles. "I think I can agree to that."

 

***

II.

 

Sayaka waves Hitomi off as she leaves for her train. She stays there for a minute until Hitomi disappears into the station, and then heads down the block. She follows the familiar path down the streets, into the hospital, and up to the seventh floor.

The attendant at the nursing station looks up as she hears Sayaka approach, and smiles.

"Coming to see him again?" she asks.

Sayaka nods. "Yeah."

"Have a nice visit. Dinner's in forty minutes, but we'll let you know when we're bringing the food around so you’ll have time to wrap things up."

"Thank you," Sayaka says, and carries on down the hall.

She stops outside an open door, pauses out of sight for a couple heartbeats, and then knocks on the door.

Kyousuke looks up from the book he’s reading. "Hey Sayaka. Good to see you again."

"You know me. I just can't stay away."

Sayaka pulls up a chair next to his bedside. Kyousuke sets his book down on his lap. He's sitting up in his hospital bed with the blankets pulled up to his waist and coat around his shoulders. He pulls his headphones out and sets the CD player on the bedside table.

"Whatcha listening to?" Sayaka asks.

"Dvořák's violin concerto in A minor. I needed some dramatic background music."

Sayaka sets her bag down on the floor. "I don't think I’ve heard that one yet. I'll have to borrow your CD when you’re done with it."

"You should. It's good stuff. The soloist is very talented."

"I bet you'd be amazing at playing Dvořák. I wish I could hear it," Sayaka says.

As much as he tries to hide the motion from her, Sayaka can see him raise his limp left hand off the bed a little. The bandages cover his wrist and forearm, a visual reminder of his horrible accident and the musical talent it crippled.

"That's never going to happen again," Kyousuke says. There's a deep bitterness behind his words. "You can't just wish things better."

Sayaka knows this, but a part of her would still give anything to make it possible, if only to hear Kyousuke play one more time. All she can do now, though, is try to comfort him.

 

***

III.

 

The sun is starting to go down by the time she leaves the hospital, casting long shadows across the ground. It’s the dinner hour, so the streets are empty and she passes few people on her way home.

There's a noise behind her.

She turns, but she can't see anything there.

She keeps walking, but she can hear it again. She speeds up her pace. The noise comes from all sides now, rising around her. Sayaka breaks almost into a full run when the sun dips behind one of the tall office buildings and she's suddenly cast in shadow.

A creature rises soundlessly from the shadows in front of her. It's all white, and human-shaped, but it has no eyes. Matching white squares float around its head as it zeroes its attention in on Sayaka.

Sayaka clutches her schoolbag to her chest and takes a couple steps back, but there's more of them rising all around her. She turns and runs, but they follow her as a pack, closing in to surround her. One appears right in front of her, and she crashes into its flowing white robe. It’s like hitting a wall. Sayaka falls to the ground, her school bag falling from her grasp.

An arm shoots out from underneath the white robe and grabs Sayaka on the forehead. She screams, but her voice dies out as the creature's hand starts glowing. A heavy feeling settles over Sayaka. She feels like passing out all of a sudden.

 

***

IV.

 

There's a gunshot noise, and the creature's hand suddenly falls away. Sayaka blearily forces herself up to see the creature collapse to the ground with a gaping bloodless hole in its head. It lets out a noise like a sigh and dissolves, leaving a small crystal sitting on top of a pile of dust.

Sayaka turns to see her saviour.

She's a girl not much older than Sayaka herself, with light hair done up in corkscrew curls. She wears a pretty yellow outfit with a matching hat, but Sayaka's gaze is drawn to the smoking musket in the girl's hand. The girl tosses it aside, and another appears out of nowhere.

"It's all right," the girl says. Her voice is kind, but there's a thread of steel in it. "I'm here to save you." She raises the new musket up. "Please hold tight while I clear out this demon pack."

She fires the gun to destroy another one, and launches into her attack as the demons swarm at her. It's like watching a coordinated dance. The girl summons and fires and discards muskets faster than Sayaka can follow, as she weaves and blocks and pushes forward. The demons are slow. They turn to follow her and lash out at her with the clawed hands hidden beneath their robes, but she's too fast for them. Shot are fired, and holes appear, as one by one the demons are killed.

Soon the two of them are left alone on an empty street surrounded by piles of dust. A couple of them have crystals on top. The girl dutifully collects the crystals, and tucks them away.

She turns to Sayaka and offers her a hand up. "Are you all right?" she asks.

"I think so," Sayaka says. Her voice is thick and heavy. She grabs the hand and gets up to her feet -- and nearly topples over. Her vision swims and her head feels woozy. The girl carefully puts her arm around Sayaka and leads her over to a bus stop bench. She helps Sayaka down before taking a seat herself.

"It looks like the demons took quite a bit out of you. You'll feel very tired for the next few hours, but it'll get better in time."

Sayaka looks over at the girl. There's a shiny amber gem pinned to her hat, and it sparkles under the streetlamps.

"Those white things were demons?" Sayaka asks.

The girl nods. "Yes. Nasty things. They lurk in the shadows, looking for victims to drain of energy. And they always hunt in packs, so where's there's one there'll be more. Demons are fairly mindless creatures, however, so they're not too hard to fight off." She holds up one of the crystals that appeared during the fight. "And they drop demon seeds from time to time, which are good for keeping my soul gem pure."

Sayaka doesn't understand most of what the girl says. Demons are things from stories and movies. She can't picture them lurking on the safe streets of Mitakihara.

"Who are you?" she asks.

"Ah, I suppose I should introduce myself. How rude of me not to." The girl briefly shimmers with golden light, and then the magical girl costume is gone and she's dressed in a Mitakihara Junior High School Uniform. "My name is Tomoe Mami. I'd imagine we go to the same school, Miss...?"

"Uh, Miki. Miki Sayaka."

"Well, Miki Sayaka, you're lucky I was passing by. Do you feel well enough to make it home on your own?"

"I don't know," Sayaka says. "I feel awful, and my head is killing me. I feel like I want to curl up and sleep here."

Mami tilts her head a touch to the left and looks like she's considering something. There's a pause before she speaks again.

"You know, my apartment is fairly close to here, and I have some new loose leaf Assam I've been meaning to try out. Why don't I make you a warm cup of tea, and you see if that helps you feel better."

Sayaka nods. "Sure."

 

***

V.

 

With an arm around Sayaka's shoulders for support, Mami leads her to a mid-range apartment complex a few blocks away. It's nice, if a little unremarkable. Mami leaves Sayaka to lean against the railing while she gets her keys out to open the door to her suite.

Sayaka can't help but notice that Mami's is the only name on the nameplate outside the door.

Mami leads her inside and helps Sayaka settle onto a cushion in front of a low glass table. Mami's apartment has a sparse but homey feeling to it, like all the decorations have been chosen with care. Mami gets a box of maple cookies from out of one of the kitchen cupboards and sets them on a plate in front of Sayaka. She turns on the electric kettle and takes a seat at the other side of the table.

"It shouldn't take too long for the water boil," she says.

Sayaka tries to find the words to ask what she wants to know. "So, what was that whole thing on the street? Why are there demons here in Mitakihara? How can you fight them like that?"

"Well, I'm a magical girl. I have both the powers and the responsibility to destroy demons wherever they may lurk."

"And how does that work? Did a talking cat show up one day and tell you you had a destiny to save the world?"

"Not exactly," Mami says. "Becoming a magical girl is a voluntary choice. You make a contract pledging to spend your life fighting demons for the good of all, and in exchange, you get a wish."

"What kind of wish?"

"Anything you like. Your wish is limited only by what your imagination can come up with."

The kettle pops, announcing that the water has boiled. Mami heads back into the kitchen. She spoons some Assam leaves into the teapot's strainer, and lets the boiling water course through it.

She pulls a pair of rose-patterned tea cups with matching saucers out of the cupboard, sets them on a carrying tray, and carefully pours hot tea into each.

"How do you take your tea? Cream? Sugar?"

Sayaka rarely drinks black tea, so she has no real preference. "Uh, a little of both?"

Mami reaches into the cupboard over her sink and pulls out a small porcelain dish of each. She puts them on the tray next to the tea cups, and carries it over to the table.

Sayaka’s curiosity gets the better of her. "Hey, Mami? What did you wish for?" 

"Ah. Well." Mami sets the tray down on the table, places teacups down in front of both Sayaka and herself, and stirs in cream and sugar before speaking again.

"My parents thought it would be nice to spend the holidays at a traditional ryokan inn by the sea. So we packed our bags, and loaded up the car, and headed for the coast. There was a truck driver coming from the other direction. He'd been drinking, and was late in making his deliveries. He swerved over the centre line and plowed into our car at a hundred kilometers an hour."

Mami puts her hands around her teacup, and rotates it on the saucer so the handle is in the right spot. She keeps her gaze downcast.

"My parents died instantly. I was in the back seat, so I was fatally injured, but alive. As I lay there in pain, in shock and wondering how long it would take for me to die too, Kyubey appeared to me. He said he could save me if I made a contract with him. So I did. And I wished to live."

Sayaka feels awful about poking her nose into someone else's personal tragedy. "Geez. I'm sorry. If I'd known, I wouldn't have asked."

"It's all right. It's a fair question to ask," Mami says. She picks up her tea cup, blows gently on the hot drink, and takes a sip. She places it back on the saucer. "I still miss my parents every day, but I like being a magical girl. It gives me a sense of purpose, and a satisfaction in knowing that I'm saving people from demon attacks. That's enough to keep me going."

Sayaka takes a sip of the tea. It's hot and a much stronger taste than the green tea she's used to, but there's something pleasantly comforting about it. Either it really is helping her head clear up, or that's just coming with time. She drinks some more, and lets the warmth flow through her.

"I think I'm starting to feel better," she says. "Thanks for the tea. And everything else." She pushes herself up to her feet. She wobbles a little, but manages to stay upright.

"Would you like me to walk you home?" Mami offers.

"No, it's fine. You've done more than enough for me today."

Mami still walks her to the front door. "Have a good night," she says.

Sayaka spends the whole night dreaming about magical girls in beautiful skirts fighting armies of faceless evils. In her dream, she's one of them too.

 

***

VI.

 

The new transfer student seems to be watching her. Not all the time, because Sayaka sits near the back of the room and the new girl sits in the front row, but she catches the girl looking at her in between classes.

"It's a little creepy," she tells Hitomi at lunch.

"What do you think she wants? Do you think it's related to that moment with the empty desk yesterday?"

"Dunno," Sayaka says. "I don't really want to go over and ask her."

As soon as the day's classes end, she slips out past the transfer student. Hitomi's busy yet again today, so she heads down to the third years' floor to find Mami. She finds Mami helping to clean up 3-2, and waits outside the door for her to finish.

Mami greats her with a warm smile when she notices Sayaka standing there. "Hello, Miki. How nice to see you again so soon. Can I do something for you?"

Sayaka isn't sure the best way to ask the question she has in mind, but she gives it a shot. "Are you... are you doing your after-school job again today?" she asks.

Mami casts an eye at the other students still milling around. "Why don't we go take a walk?" she says.

The two of them end up outside on the school grounds, underneath one of the bigger trees on campus. It's still an open space, but there's no one around to overhear them.

"So, you were saying?" Mami says.

"Are you going demon hunting again tonight? Because I'd like to tag along and see what you do. If it's okay with you."

Mami’s brows crease in concern. "Are you sure?" she asks. "It's likely to be dangerous."

"That's okay," Sayaka says, "I think I can deal. It's just that you were _awesome_ last night, and I want to find out more about what it's like to be a magical girl."

Mami seems surprised at her declaration. "Oh. Thank you. We don't usually get recognized for our work." She smiles, and there's an equal mixture of happiness and embarrassment in her expression. "But it's not something you should take lightly. Being a magical girl is a serious, lifetime commitment."

"I promise I'll take full responsibility for myself. I'll stay out of the way and I won't make any trouble for you. I'll do anything you say."

Mami's silent for a long moment as she considers it. The wind rustles the trees around them, carrying the sounds of the outdoor clubs' practices.

"Well, I suppose it's all right," Mami finally says. "You can come with us tonight. But you have to promise that you'll listen to everything I say, no matter what."

"'Us'? There's more than just you?" Sayaka asks.

Mami lets out a small chuckle. "Of course. You didn't really think I'd be the only person tasked with keeping the whole world safe, did you?"

 

***

VII.

 

Sayaka heads home after school. She drops off her school bag and books, and waits for eight o'clock to roll around. Her Dad's out with work friends and her Mom's busy cleaning up dinner, so she slips out silently and makes her way to the park.

Mami meets her at the entrance, and leads Sayaka inside around the edge of the space. All the trees have a golden glow to them in the last remnants of the day as the sun slowly slips away.

There's a redheaded girl sitting on top of the short brick wall ringing the park, working her way through a small can of Pringles. She stops as Mami nears her, and gives Sayaka a suspicious look.

"Who's she?" the redhead asks.

Mami puts a hand on Sayaka's shoulder. "This is Miki Sayaka. She goes to Mitakihara Junior High School with me. I saved her from a demon attack last night, and she wants to learn more about what we do as magical girls. Miki, this is Sakura Kyouko. She's a fellow magical girl."

Kyouko rolls her eyes and drops off the wall. She pops the last of the chips in her mouth, and throws the empty can over her shoulder. She gets close enough to stare Sayaka right in the eyes.

"Look, chickie, this isn't some reality show you can watch for kicks. We fight actual, serious monsters that'll drain you dry without a second thought. Go home and watch some of that stupid Pretty Cure show if you want to get your magical girl fix."

Sayaka bristles. "Now now, be nice," Mami chides.

"Right. Teamwork is important for magical girls," pipes up another voice.

There's a white animal sitting on the fence near where Kyouko was. It's cute and fluffy, but Sayaka has no idea what it's supposed to be. A cat? A weasel? A rabbit? It smiles blandly at her as its tail swishes back and forth.

She points at it. "Did that thing ... talk?"

The creature nods its head."My name's Kyubey. I make contracts with magical girls." Sayaka can hear his voice, but his mouth never changes from its same bland smile.

She remembers the name from Mami's story. "So, are you their guardian, or something?"

"Something like that," Kyubey says.

Mami pulls one of the crystals from the previous night out of her pocket. "Kyubey's also good for keeping soul gems clean." She taps the crystal against her soul gem, and black dust sprinkles out. Kyubey leaps off the wall, and laps at it on the ground. Mami tosses another crystal to Kyouko, who does the same. They throws the crystals to Kyubey when they're done, who makes them disappear somehow.

"Why? What happens if you don't keep your soul gem clean?"

"You fade away into nothingness, like sea foam," Mami says. "It's sad, but it's the inevitable fate of every magical girl. It's helpful that demons drop crystals to purify them, so we don't have to worry about disappearing as long as we do our duty."

"And how do you go about hunting demons?" Sayaka asks.

Mami holds her soul gem up in the palm of her hand. "We can use our soul gems as homing beacons, to pinpoint places where demons lurk. They're made from negative emotions, but they need human energy to build their ranks, so it's a good idea to check places where people complain of feeling tired and anemic. They usually get better once we destroy the demons."

Kyouko stretches out. "Basically, we're glorified magical rat exterminators."

 

***

VIII.

 

They follow Mami's soul gem to an office tower downtown. The work day is over and the heart of the city is deserted, lending everything a desolate air. They make it up to the wide glass front doors before white shapes start to loom up out of the shadows.

Mami and Kyouko both transform in bursts of gold and crimson energy. "Please try and stay out of harm's way," Mami says.

The two of them launch into a full-out attack mode that's stunning to behold. They work beautifully as a team, Mami grabbing demons with her ribbons and throwing them towards Kyouko, who rams them through with her spear.

They've finished off most of the circle, when a last hidden demon rises up behind them, and reaches out for Kyouko.

A glowing energy arrow slams into the demon. It flails around before exploding into a massive shower of dust. Sayaka looks back to see where it came from.

There stands the transfer student, a rosewood bow in her hands. The red ribbons pushing back hair keep the wind from blowing it in her face.

"Well, look who decided to be social for a change!" calls Kyouko. "Are you going to stick around this time, or wander off again, Miss Too Cool For Group Fights?"

The transfer student lowers her bow. "I'm staying this time."

Mami steps in. "Miki, this is Akemi Homura, another new magical girl. Akemi, this is Miki Sayaka, a fellow student from our school who is interested in what magical girls do."

"We've met," Sayaka says. "Well, kind of. She transferred into my class. I never knew she was a magical girl, though."

Homura has a steely, unfaltering gaze that makes Sayaka a little uncomfortable. "You never asked," she says flatly.

Sayaka turns back to Mami. "Are there any other magical girls I should know about?"

"Not in this area, although there are magical girls all over the world, keeping people safe from demon attacks."

Homura grabs a couple of the demon seeds. She keeps one, and tosses one apiece to Mami and Kyouko.

Kyouko saunters over to where Sayaka is. "So, that scare you off from your magical girl obsession?"

Sayaka shakes her head. "No. That was _awesome_. I kinda want to see more."

Kyouko rolls her eyes. "Lord save us from magical girl groupies."

 

***

IX.

 

Sayaka bails on Hitomi the next day at lunch, and heads up to the rooftop benches to eat. The other magical girls are already waiting there. Even Kyouko, who's dressed in street clothes and digging into a heated up convenience store gyuudon box.

Sayaka looks at her funny. "Do you even go here?" she asks.

"Nope," Kyouko replies.

"Won't they notice you missing at your own school?"

"School is for losers," Kyouko says, digging back into her lunch.

Mami scoots over on the stone bench, and Sayaka takes a seat next to her. She opens and unpacks her lunch before Mami asks, "So, now that you've seen us in action, what do you think about magical girls? Was it scary? Are you still interested in becoming one?"

"Well, it's kind of scary, seeing demons pop out of nowhere like that, but I'm still amazed at how awesome you guys are at taking them out. I'd love to sign up and join you, and be able to help save people like you do."

"Have you considered what you might want to wish for?" Mami asks.

"Well," Sayaka says, scuffing a foot against the ground, "there's a guy I know, who's been in the hospital a long time--"

"No," Kyouko says, cutting her off. "If you're going to make a wish, be selfish. Wish only for yourself. Wishes for other people never turn out the way you want them to."

"That's a horrible thing to say!" Sayaka says. "You’re magical girls. Aren't you supposed to be helping people, no matter what?"

"No, she's right," Mami says. "A wish is a very important gift, and it needs to be considered carefully. Ask yourself: why do you want this? Is it to make his dream of recovery come true? Or is it to make him indebted to you? Those two things may seem the same, but they're very different goals."

"Why? Did you take the time to carefully consider what to wish for?"

Mami looks away. Her face settles into an unreadable expression. "If I'd had the chance to think it over carefully, my parents would still be here."

Sayaka realizes she's hit a nerve and backs off the issue.

Kyouko, however, keeps going. "You want to make a wish and become a magical girl, I can't stop you. But don't waste it on some loser who'll never know what you did for him. It's just stupid, and it'll come back to bite you."

Sayaka bites back a retort about how Kyousuke is wonderful, how he deserves to have the ability to play violin again, how Sayaka wants nothing more than to hear him make music once more. She doesn't think any of her arguments will go over well with the other girls. Kyouko is still glaring at her, so instead Sayaka asks, "Why do you hate me?"

Kyouko lets out a sigh of exasperation. "Look, I don't _hate_ you. It's just..." She kicks at a rock, and it goes skittering across the roof and through the fence to the ground below. "You remind me a lot of the person I used to be. I don't want you to make the same dumb mistakes that I did."

"You shouldn't do it," Homura says, speaking up for the first time. "You will regret it. If you make a contract to become a magical girl, it will end badly for you."

Sayaka glares at the ground as she angrily spears a tomato from her lunch. "Geez, you don't have to be so negative. What makes you think I'm doomed to fail?"

Mami places a gentle hand on her arm. "It's ultimately your decision. No one can make the choice for you, or tell you what to do. But please consider it carefully. Making a contract is a large, life-altering decision."

Sayaka sighs. "I know, I know. But can I at least come out with you guys a couple more times to see what it's like?"

"It's fine with me if it's fine with them," Mami says.

Homura shrugs but says nothing.

"Just try not to get yourself killed," says Kyouko.

 

***

X.

 

Sayaka spends a week shadowing the other girls, following them as they go demon hunting. Mami and Kyouko have an easy rhythm to their fights, borne out of long months training together. Homura comes and goes, sometimes working with them, sometimes not. Kyubey often follows her when she goes off on her own.

It's probably just her mind playing tricks, but she almost gets the feeling that Homura is trying to keep Kyubey away from her.

And finally, while watching her fifth magical girl battle, Sayaka comes to a decision.

She stands next to Kyubey, watching Mami and Kyouko battle demons that have infested a small local train station. She slides over to the bench where Kyubey is, and takes a seat next to him.

"Kyubey?" she says quietly, while the other girls are distracted with demons.

"Yes?" he replies.

"Could you meet on top of my school tomorrow evening?"

His pointy ears perk up in interest. "Certainly."

"And don't... Don't mention this to the others."

"Oh don't worry," he says. "I'm very good at keeping secrets."

 

***

XI.

 

Sayaka putters around the school until most of the other students have cleared out, and then heads up to the roof. Kyubey is already waiting for her on the rooftop benches. The sun is setting, tinting everything orange.

Kyubey stretches out long. "You wanted to see me?" he asks. His expression still never changes.

Sayaka puts her bag down and walks forward. "I did," she says. There's a mix of fear and anticipation filling her, but she presses on. "I want... I want to make a contract with you, like you did with Mami and Kyouko and Homura."

Kyubey tilts his head to the side. "I don't remember contracting with Akemi Homura. How very strange."

That probably is strange, but Sayaka doesn't know what to make of it. She doesn't have any reference points for what a magical girl contract should be like.

"So, have you decided on a wish?" Kyubey asks. His tail flicks back and forth, and even though his bland smiling expression stays the same, he seems excited.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure," Sayaka says. She hesitates. "Will it... will it hurt? Making the contract?" Her voice shakes.

"Oh, quite a bit," Kyubey says, his cheerful tone never changing. "But that's part of the process."

Sayaka takes a deep breath to steady her nerves. She can do this.

"I wish that Kamijou Kyousuke be completely healed."

Kyubey's eyes flash. "Your wish has been accepted!" he says. His ear stalks shoot out and plunge themselves into Sayaka's chest. She lets out a gasp as excruciating pain beyond any she's known before fills her, blocking out all her other senses. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to think. It's almost a relief when Kyubey pulls out of her and she collapses backwards to the roof.

There's something round and glowing floating right in front of her.

"Go on! Take it!" Kyubey says. Sayaka stretches her arms up and clasps her fingers around it.

There's a pulse of energy and a warm blast of light, and then something solid forms in her hands. She pries her fingers apart to see a bejewelled sapphire egg clasped between her palms.

"That's your soul gem," Kyubey says. "Keep it close at all times. It's your life now."

Sayaka presses the egg against her chest. It almost feels like there's a pulse inside it.

"So... That was it?"

Kyubey nods. "A contract has been made. Your wish has been granted. You're a magical girl now. All you have to do is concentrate on your soul gem to transform or use your new powers." His tail lashes back and forth. "Did you want to try it out now?"

Sayaka considers it. "No. I want to surprise them."

 

***

XII.

 

Sayaka heads out from school to figure out where Mami and the others are. She figures out how to use homing beacon to detect, as the others are probably nearby. She heads up to the garden area on top of the station building to get a better look. She finally spots them a couple blocks away, surrounded by a white circle of demons. Homura seems to have joined Mami and Kyouko tonight. How lucky is that?

There's a euphoric rush the first time she transforms. For a brief second, it's as though pure energy is coursing through her, filling every cell of her body and leaving it stronger. She looks over the outfit and glees. The fabric is smooth against her skin, and the cape flutters softly behind her. She does a little twirl out of joy to feel it move. She feels like a real swordswoman now.

She concentrates on her hand, and a sword materializes in it. She swings it back and forth a couple times, then opens her fingers and it melts back into nothingness.

Her soul gem seems to have attached itself around her bellybutton, visible to the world in the gap between her top and her belted skirt.

She braces herself and leaps off the top of the building. Wind streams by her, throwing her cape back like a bird's tail. She lands on the pavement below and easily bounds back up, summoning a sword to her hand. She swings up, and slices a demon clean in half. Its white cloak collapses in on itself, and it bursts into dust as it hits the cement below.

The others turn to see who's joined them. Sayaka grins and gives them a salute. "Mind if I join you guys?" she asks.

The others are a mix of emotions. Mami looks pleasantly surprised. Homura is as unreadable as ever.

Kyouko looks mad.

She shoves Sayaka up against a wall, ignoring the circle of demons surrounding them. "What did you do?" she demands.

"I signed a contract. I made a wish. Same as the rest of you," Sayaka says.

Kyouko's eyes narrow dangerously. "For that stupid boy?"

"Well, yeah," Sayaka says defensively.

Kyouko hits her clean across the face. Sayaka lashes out with her sword, but Kyouko's too fast, and blocks it with her spear.

"What was that for?" Sayaka demands.

"What did I tell you! What was the one thing I told you!" Kyouko says. Colour is rising in her cheeks. "Don't waste your wishes on other people! Don't _ever_ waste your wishes on other people!" She lets out a breath and turns away. "Well it's too late now; you'll just have to live with the consequences." She unhooks her spear and assumes an attack position. "Let's just get it over with and kill these things."

The fight is short with all four of them working together. Kyouko storms off when the last demon dissolves, grabbing a demon seed on her way out.

Mami watches her go and then turns back to the other two. "Well, it's nice that you've decided to become a magical girl. Welcome to the team. I suppose we should do something to mark the occasion."

"There's a nice new karaoke place by the station," Sayaka offers.

"That sounds okay to me. Akemi?"

Homura is watching Sayaka again. She's always hard to read, but there seems to be something almost like pity in her expression.

"Akemi?" Mami asks again.

"That's fine with me," Homura says.

 

***

XIII.

 

She hurries out to the hospital the next day after school, giving Hitomi an excuse that she's busy, and nearly crashing into Homura on her way out of the classroom. Her feet seem to fly down the road to the hospital, and she eagerly takes the elevator up to the seventh floor and makes a beeline straight to his room.

Kyousuke's not there.

The room is empty, and smells of antiseptic. His stack of CDs is gone, as are any other personal touches. Sayaka backs up a couple steps and finally notices that the nameplate by the door has been cleared out, leaving nothing but a vacant plastic room number board in front of an empty room.

Sayaka feels like she's been punched in the gut. She retraces her steps to the nurse's station. The nurse looks up, surprised to see her there.

"Um, excuse me," Sayaka says. She tries to keep her voice from shaking.

"Are you looking for Kamijou? He was discharged early this morning. All of his injuries somehow miraculously improved sometime before his rehabilitation tests yesterday, so the doctor said there was no need for him to stay here anymore." The nurse leaves the station desk, and walks over to put a hand on Sayaka's shoulder. "I thought they would have told you. I know you come to visit quite a bit."

"No, he... They didn't." Sayaka takes a step backwards. The nurse lets her hand fall back to her side. "Thank you for letting me know. I appreciate it," Sayaka says.

She heads back to the elevator. Kyousuke must have been so excited to finally get out of the hospital that he just forgot to tell her about it. She was probably getting all upset over nothing.

She doesn't want to consider the alternative.

 

***

XIV.

 

Kyousuke transfers into their class the next day. There's more excitement at his introduction speech than there was for Homura's; a lot of people either went to elementary school with him, or went to one of his recitals back when he was performing. He takes the empty seat at the far side of the room, leaving the desk next to Hitomi as the last empty one in the class. He’s slow and walks with a noticeable limp, but he’s back on his feet for the first time in over a year.

Sayaka keeps trying to catch his eye, but Kyousuke doesn't seem to notice. When the lunch bell rings, Sayaka heads over to see him, but there's a whole crowd around him, pushing in to ask questions about how he's been and why he's back in school. It takes almost ten minutes before Sayaka gets a chance to talk to him.

"Kyousuke!" she calls.

He finally picks her out of the crowd. "Oh, hey Sayaka. Good to see you again."

"You didn't tell me that you were getting discharged from the hospital."

"Oh, sorry," he says casually.

"Why did they let you out?" asks one of their classmates.

Kyousuke perks up. "Well, I went for my routine rehabilitation tests to check how things were healing, and it turned out that I’m seriously better, almost like it was before the accident. The doctors said it must be a miracle. That this was the cleanest healing they'd ever seen. There was no real reason to keep me there anymore, so they let me go home."

"Are you going to start playing the violin again?" Sayaka turns to see that Hitomi has come to stand behind her.

Kyousuke focuses on Hitomi and his excitement eases into something softer. "As soon as I can get it out of storage. Turns out my parents couldn’t bear to destroy it like I’d asked. Good thing too."

Hitomi smiles that soft lady-like smile of hers. "I'd love to hear you play it."

Their other classmates start piping up, telling Kyousuke how much they'd love to hear him play too, but Kyousuke and Hitomi seem to have eyes only from each other. Sayaka notices Homura watching her again from the front of the room.

Sayaka feels like something important has just passed her by, but can't put her finger on exactly what it is.

 

***

XV.

 

As soon as the lunch bell rings again the next day, Hitomi leaves her desk to sit next to Kyousuke. Sayaka ignores her lunch to watch the two of them chat excitedly together. Hitomi offers Kyousuke a bit of her elegantly made boxed lunch. Kyousuke smiles and takes some.

Sayaka can feel her heart break at seeing Kyousuke smile like that at someone else.

There's a thump behind her, and Sayaka turns to see that Homura has taken Hitomi's desk. Homura hands are on top of her lunch bag, but she's watching Sayaka.

Sayaka doesn't know how to take this. "Do you want something?" she asks.

"It's going to hurt," Homura says bluntly.

Sayaka blinks. "What?"

"Seeing your best friend and your crush grow closer to each other. It's going to hurt. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, or say that your pain isn't valid. It is."

The words stab into her. Sayaka glowers at Homura to cover it up. "Don't patronize me. You don't know anything about how I feel or what they’re doing."

"I know more than you'd think," Homura says. "And I do know this much: you have to keep hopeful about something, because hope is the most powerful thing that people like us can possess. If you let the pain you feel at their relationship utterly consume you, it _will_ destroy you."

"And why would you care?" Sayaka asks. "It's not like we're buddy-buddy or anything."

Homura is infuriatingly silent again before finally answering, "Because there's a person I owe everything to. And she wouldn't want you to be sad."

"And who's that?"

Homura doesn't answer. She just unties the cloth wrapping on her lunch bag and starts opening containers. Sayaka lets out a frustrated sigh and starts in on her own lunch. There's an uncomfortable silence between the two until Sayaka decides to ask something she's been curious about.

"Hey, Homura? I know this is probably kind of personal, but since you seem to know all about my wish... What did you wish for?"

Homura turns away slightly. "For her," she says quietly.

"What?"

Homura turns back to face Sayaka. She pauses a moment before speaking again.

"I had a congenital heart defect. I've spent most of my life going in and out of hospitals. I was there for a year before they felt I was well enough to go back to school. Two days before I was scheduled to start here, I had another attack that would have kept me in the hospital for a long time. I wished to be healthy, so that I could leave the hospital for good."

Sayaka's forehead creases. "Wait, two days before you transferred in? You seem like you've been doing this magical girl thing for a really long time."

"Both of those statements are true," Homura says.

Which still doesn't make any sense. Not unless Homura is exaggerating, and she doesn't seem like the kind of person to do that. She is way more accomplished than any newbie should be.

"No offense," Sayaka says, "but you're really weird and confusing sometimes."

Homura's expression never changes. "You have no idea."

 

***

XVI.

 

Sayaka goes demon hunting after sunset that day. Her soul gem leads her to a neighbourhood playground, and sure enough, they rise from the shadows to surround her. She transforms and summons a sword to hand.

She vents her frustrations on the demons, hacking away at them, severing limbs and slicing them in half before going in for the kill. She fights like a whirling dervish, full of energy. It feels good to focus entirely on the physical movement and ignore anything going on at school. As long as she’s moving, she can keep the image of Kyousuke and Hitomi eating lunch together out of her mind.

It's almost a disappointment when the last of the demons dissolves into dust. Sayaka stands there, panting from the exertion, wishing there was something else she could cut up. Her soul gem has faded a bit. It's longer the shining sapphire it was during her first battle.

"Fun, ain't it? Isn't it the best to take out your anger on demons?"

Sayaka turns around. Kyouko is sitting on top of the jungle gym, casually finishing off an orange. She gnaws the last of the fruit off, and tosses the rind over her shoulder.

"What do you want?" Sayaka asks.

Kyouko shrugs. "Nothin'. Just coming to see if you needed a hand, but it looks like you got things under control." She leans an elbow on her leg, and props her chin up in her hand. "You wanna talk about it?"

Sayaka lets the sword vanish, and detransforms back into her usual school uniform. "No." She turns to go.

"Lemme guess," Kyouko calls, "it's about whatshisface, your lover boy. Has he found a girlfriend already?"

Sayaka freezes.

"Thought as much." There's a loud thump. Sayaka turns to see that Kyouko has dropped off the jungle gym, and is walking over to her.

"Leave me alone," Sayaka says. She doesn’t want to deal with Kyouko today.

Kyouko leans in, so close that Sayaka can see herself reflected in the other girl's eyes.

"Look, moron. Lemme give you a piece of free advice. So you wasted your wish on a loser who couldn't care less about you. It happens. The way I see it, you got two options."

Kyouko's lip curls up on one side. "First choice: you make your wish happen. You find your guy, and you break his legs, and you force him to be completely dependent on you, and sooner or later he'll swear up and down that he loves you more than anything in the world. You ever seen _Audition_? You're Asami, and he's the dismembered guy in the sack."

Sayaka pulls away in disgust. "That's horrible!"

"Second choice," Kyouko continues, ignoring her outburst, "you deal with it. You face the fact that whatshisface doesn't love you, and you move on. You're an unkillable warrior of justice with magical powers strong enough to take out demons. You don't have to throw your life away for your first junior high school crush. You keep your soul gem clean and you got a long, long life ahead of you. You can't go back once you've made a contract, but you can find better things elsewhere."

She leans back, but presses something into Sayaka's hand. Sayaka looks to see a fresh demon seed in her palm. 

Her gaze moves back up to Kyouko, who's watching her with an unusually earnest expression. "Sitting around moping about it isn't going to change anything," she says. She turns and heads for the park gate.

"Kyouko? What did you wish for?" Sayaka calls after her.

Kyouko pauses next to the heavy iron gateway, clenching one of the molded iron bars in a fist. She shrugs. "Doesn't matter. The guy I wasted it on is dead anyway."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Sayaka says.

Kyouko turns away from Sayaka. "I'm not. He tried to stab me to death." She lets go of the iron bar and leaves.

Sayaka doesn't know what to say to that. She pockets the demon seed and heads home.

 

***

XVII.

 

The next couple days are torturous. Kyousuke gets so much attention that he barely even notices Sayaka in the class. He still spends his lunch times eating with Hitomi, and they've started walking to the station together too.

Sayaka channels her disappointment and frustration into fighting demons, but it doesn't help much. She still feels angry and upset, no matter how many monsters she takes out. Her soul gem has started to get cloudy. The other magical girls are starting to worry about her. Mami implores her to take a day off to recharge and keeps trying to give her demon seeds. Kyouko calls her an idiot and tells her to stop before she dies of overexertion. Homura appears out of the blue sometimes and silently fights demons beside her.

She doesn't stop. She doesn't want to be alone with her thoughts and the resentment she's starting to feel about her wish.

Her relationship with Hitomi is falling apart. They barely talk anymore. Sayaka can feel Hitomi sitting behind her in class, watching her every move. It used to be reassuring that she was so close to her best friend, but now she just feels uncomfortable about it.

It all comes to a head a week after Kamijou transfers into their class. The school day ends, and Sayaka quickly packs up her bag. She wants to get out of there to fight more demons.

"Sayaka?" Hitomi says quietly behind her.

"Ah, sorry, Hitomi," Sayaka says. She avoids looking Hitomi in the eye. "I promised someone I'd meet her after school, and I don't want her to wait too long."

"Sayaka." Hitomi's tone is serious. Sayaka looks up to see Hitomi staring back with cold eyes.

"What is it?" Sayaka asks.

Hitomi's expression doesn't change. "Sayaka, I'm going to ask Kamijou to be my boyfriend."

"What?" Sayaka's dreaded this was coming, but it's still a shock to hear it out loud.

"I really like Kamijou Kyousuke. And I think he likes me. I know you like him too, which is why I'm giving you advance warning. If you don't take action in pursuing him, I will."

Sayaka doesn't know what to say. She feels like she's been shot in the chest.

Hitomi finishes gathering up her things. "I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to let trepidation hold me back. I'm going to ask him tomorrow after school. Do what you want before that."

She picks up her school bag and leaves.

Sayaka doesn't move. She feels like Hitomi has somehow betrayed her.

There's only one thing to do.

 

***

XVIII.

 

Kyousuke's at home, practicing in the recital room in his big traditional house. Sayaka can hear his playing even as stands outside the gate, waiting to be let in. It's such a beautiful, clear sound. She closes her eyes and listens until the sliding front door rattles open.

Butterflies fill her stomach as she's led to where he's playing. She lets him finish the piece -- the first movement of Vivaldi's "L'autunno" -- before announcing her presence with a cough. Kyousuke blinks in surprise, sees her, and sets his violin down.

"Oh, Sayaka. I wasn't expecting to see you," he says.

Sayaka sets her school bag down carefully on the floor so she'll stop playing with the straps. "Your playing sounds wonderful," she says. "It's like you were never in the accident."

Kyousuke flexes the fingers of his left hand. "Isn't it amazing? I never thought I’d ever be able to play the violin again. I guess miracles are real." He looks over at her. "Are you here to listen?"

"N-no. Not exactly." She brushes her hair back behind her ear. "I want to ask you something."

He tilts his head a little. "What is it?"

Sayaka grabs the hem of her uniform jacket to keep her hands from shaking. "Would you... Would you go out with me?"

Kyousuke blinks. "What?" he asks. That's not the reaction she's expecting. 

She barrels forward anyway. "Kyousuke, I... I love you. I've loved you for years, and nothing would make me happier than if you would be my boyfriend."

Her face flushes. Something inside her breaks as Kyousuke looks genuinely surprised and then gives her a sympathetic smile.

"Oh. I didn't know." He takes her hands in his, and she tries not to shake. She drops her gaze to stare at the ground.

"It's just..." he says. "You're like a sister to me. We've known each other a long time and it was really nice that you came to visit me all the time while I was in the hospital, but I don't feel the same way about you that you do about me. There's someone else I have feelings for. I'm sorry."

"Hitomi?" Sayaka says. The name tastes bitter in her mouth.

"Yeah, Hitomi. I'm so sorry. Neither of us wants to hurt you, but we can't help what we feel."

Sayaka takes a deep shuddering breath. She's so mortified she wants to die. She's not going to cry. Not here. Not in front of Kyousuke. The only boy she's ever loved is rejecting her flat out because he loves her closest friend.

And it's her wish that's brought them together.

She holds back the tears that threaten to spill out, and looks back up. Kyousuke looks concerned. Sayaka forces herself to smile and pulls her hands out of his grip.

"I know. I've seen the way you two look at each other. I just wished..." She grabs her school bag and wraps her fingers tightly around the handle. "I have to go."

And then she turns and runs.

 

***

XIX.

 

Sayaka runs, hard and fast until she's out of breath. She sags against a brick wall and sobs until her breathing is ragged. She hates herself. She hates her wish.

She can't bring herself to hate Kyousuke.

The soul gem in the ring on her finger has dulled to a murky blue-gray. She briefly thinks about what the other magical girls keep telling her about keeping it bright, but she can't bring herself to care. What's the point in having all the superpowers in the world if you wind up friendless and alone?

She notices that she's ended up at a train station. 

No one else is around, so she wanders out to the platform and slumps down onto a bench. She wonders what it would be like to throw herself out onto the tracks in front of a train and let all the misery end.

Her cellphone rings. She ignores it. She wonders if it's Kyousuke, concerned about her running off. Or maybe Mami or Kyouko, trying to figure out where she is. She can't stand to talk to anyone in the sad pathetic state she's in.

Something pokes her in the hip. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out the demon seed Kyouko gave her way back at the playground. She knows she should probably use it. The others keep hammering home the importance of keeping your soul gem clean. She switches her own into the sapphire egg form and lets it rest in the palm of her hand. It’s so clouded over that there's barely any shine left.

She stares at the demon seed for a bit, and then balls up her fist and throws it as far as she can down the train tracks.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to dissolve into nothing. Kyousuke and Hitomi could date all they wanted to without her getting in the way. **Everyone** would be happier with her gone.

There's a small clinking sound as her soul gem cracks.

Sayaka's mind explodes outwards, as visions of mermaids and symphony halls and endlessly dancing puppets consume her world.

 

***

XX.

 

And then, suddenly, it all stops. Sayaka blinks as she comes back to herself. Everything around her seems unnaturally silent and still. She raises her eyes to peer at the blackened soul gem in her palm.

There's a hand on top of it.

She follows the arm up to a beatific figure who floats in front of her. Shining golden eyes stare calmly at Sayaka, as the girl's hair and dress float and ripple in a wind Sayaka cannot feel.

"Hi, Sayaka," she says. 

Memories flood back to Sayaka, of other places, other times. Endless loops of repetition and so many painful arcs just like this one. And someone there with her, sitting in that one empty desk.

"Madoka," she breathes.

Madoka nods, and her hair waves in time with the motion. "Yep, it's me. I'm here to save you." She lifts her hand off the soul gem. There's a crack running straight through it, nearly from top to bottom.

"I broke it," Sayaka says.

"I know," Madoka says. "That's why I'm here. I don't really exist in this world anymore. I just show up to save magical girls when their soul gems break."

"And then what?" Sayaka's never thought about anything that comes after. She's not at all religious beyond cultural traditions, and she's been too busy thinking about the here and now to try and imagine anything beyond.

Madoka looks pleased with herself. "I set up a place for former magical girls, where they can be happy and worry-free. It's a reward for all the good work they do." She offers her hand. "Would you like to see it?"

Sayaka hesitates. "Wait," she says. "Before we go, there's one place I want to stop first."

Madoka nods, understanding. "Okay."

 

***

XXI.

 

Kyousuke stands on the stage in the empty rehearsal hall. He lifts his violin up on his shoulder and draws back his bow. The sound of Prokofiev fills the hall.

Two girls in matching uniforms sit at the very back, quiet and unnoticed. Sayaka watches him play, and watches Hitomi watching him play.

"He's so good," she says. She leans back in the hard-backed symphony hall seats. "What will my parents think?"

Despite her shining brilliance, Madoka looks sad. "They'll probably think that you've run away. They'll never really find out what happened to you. No one will. Magical girls are fated to fade away. It's sad, but it's all I can do for you. It's better than how it used to be."

"How did it used to be?" Sayaka asks.

Madoka shakes her head. "It doesn't matter. It's not that way anymore."

Sayaka lets out a sigh of anguish and drops her head into her hands. "I'm so stupid. I feel like the little mermaid, throwing my life away for a boy who never loved me."

There's a gentle touch on her shoulder. She looks back up to see Madoka smiling kindly at her.

"Sayaka, do you remember how the little mermaid's story ends?"

Sayaka tries to think back to the fairy tale books she's read. "She dies, doesn't she?"

Madoka shakes her head. "She becomes an air spirit, and she spends her days helping the other air spirits to secretly protect people in need." She reaches out a hand towards Sayaka.

Sayaka hesitates, before reaching out and interlacing her fingers with Madoka's. "You know, that could be okay."

There's a shimmer of light, and the seats are empty, as though no one had been there at all.

 

***

  
_On board the ship all was astir and lively again. She saw the Prince and his fair bride in search of her. Then they gazed sadly into the seething foam, as if they knew she had hurled herself into the waves. Unseen by them, she kissed the bride's forehead, smiled upon the Prince, and rose up with the other daughters of the air to the rose-red clouds that sailed on high._   


**Author's Note:**

> Quotations are from Jean Hersholt's translation of The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Anderson.


End file.
